I took a gap year during a pandemic (a fortunate position to be in) and now I’m headed back to work at an exciting company in a space important to me. Most gap years are filled with travel plans, itineraries, flights, trains, and described as “an experience”. This wasn’t possible last year, so it made for an atypical year off. I decided to reflect and share my learnings from an introspective gap year, happily confined to home:
Exploration, Wandering, Searching
- Wandering inevitably leads to some dead ends. That’s kind of the point. It may turn out a particular subject is not what you thought or you’re just not that into it. It’s a free signal from your soul. Just turn around and explore something else.
- But, before you drop it entirely, ask yourself “Why were you drawn to it?” and “What pushed you away?” For example, I’ve wanted to learn a musical instrument for a long time. I picked up the guitar to chase girls in college (failed miserably) and recently tried my hand at the harmonica. It’s compact and easy to bring on backpacking trips. I failed to build momentum once again. When I dug into it, I realized I had too many things on my plate.
- Life has a funny way of returning you to things that warrant a second look. This can take years, decades, or you might just need some more time next week. One day, I’ll spend more time with you, harmonica.
- I know a few people who pick some subject area to explore per month. I thought this was a clever and structured way to do it. Time boxing yourself as a forcing function.
- The social programming is strong. It took me the first few months to get away from the idea that I had to be working on something or getting my next project lined up. We don’t and it’s okay to do some unadulterated wandering.
- Deadlines are great forcing functions. I went from frantically trying to do too much, to doing close to nothing, and finally to reasonably setting guidelines for myself. Deadlines, even if it’s an offhand comment to a close friend who will check up on you goes a long way.
Looking Inwards
- Find out what is applying the pressure and don’t rule yourself out. It’s easy to look at external factors as our sources of stress: jobs, boss, situation, etc. For me, I realized I had imposed ridiculous standards on myself. This is not entirely negative or positive in itself, but if left unchecked or unexamined can lead to some real unhappiness. We are, as they say, our harshest critics.
- Be nice to yourself. I’ve found it helpful to think of yourself as your own good friend. Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend.
- When judging others or introspecting your own actions, the spots that give us the biggest source of agitation or anxiety are the ones that need to be examined deeper. These uncomfortable areas are the growth opportunities. Nobody said it’d be fun, though.
Relationships
- Long term relationships are not projects with a start and end date. There is no autopilot button.
- People love it when you call them out of the blue. Even better, show up with food and drink.
- Everyone is struggling with something. This is not an exaggeration. The easiest way to find out is to ask.
- A better version of ourselves is the best gift to the world. Start there instead of saving the world.
How a gap period concludes: you stumble into something that you are so excited by that even your soul knows. It’s a hell yes. This usually takes years or decades, so don’t forget to enjoy the scenery. But when you stumble into it, what are you waiting for?
There’s still much to learn and I can’t wait to pull on each of these threads further. Hope this helps you.